I was talking with a fellow Fledgling this past week who told me about a coaching program for men by Steve Horsmon. I decided to check it out and enjoyed this blog he wrote titled How You Create Your Emotionally Distant Wife.
In this brief piece I saw so much of what I had done in my marriage. I competed with my former spouse, I tried to fix her, and I constantly “should” on her. In doing this, I created what I believed and when she inevitably pulled away, I felt rejected. This rejection registered as physical pain and I ended up blaming her for causing it.
The solution to heal is that we must look inward at our pain. Through pain there’s growth. Through pain there’s rebirth. Someone from the outside can’t give us what we need to give ourselves. We need to first fix what’s broken within us before we can heal a relationship with another.