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Grateful Sunday – January 28, 2018

 

I’m grateful for my recovery program. I’ve learned that it’s not that I won’t struggle in life, but how I manage my struggles that matters. What is the story I make up? What are the tools I’m going to use when I’m feeling off? How do I allow myself to accept my emotions, work through them, and learn from them?

 

Jack Canfield states in his book The Success Principles:

E + R = O

(Event + Response) = Outcome

 

The basic idea is that the very outcome you experience in life (whether it is success or failure, wealth or poverty, health or illness, intimacy or estrangement, joy or frustration) is the result of how you have responded to an earlier event or events in your life.

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Wednesday Share Day – December 20, 2017

I read a great article titled Love More, Care Less, written by Martha Beck. It explains how we can detach out of love. This is a great supplement to my “if only” blog, Heal the Loneliness. Martha gives a simple four step method to love one another unconditionally. By finding your own truth, you will, in turn, find your own happiness.

 

“To care for someone can mean to adore them, feed them, tend their wounds. But care can also signify sorrow, as in “bowed down by cares.” Or anxiety, as in “Careful!” Or investment in an outcome, as in “Who cares?” The word love has no such range of meaning: It’s pure acceptance. Watching families like Loretta’s taught me that caring — with its shades of sadness, fear, and insistence on specific outcomes — is not love. In fact, when care appears, unconditional love often vanishes.”

 

“…on an emotional level, our brains are designed to mirror one another. As a result, when we’re anxious and controlling, other people don’t respond with compliance; they reflect us by becoming—press the button when you get the right answer — anxious and controlling. Anger elicits anger, fear elicits fear, no matter how well meaning we may be.”

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Wednesday Share Day – November 8, 2017

 

I had a friend send me this post about Successful Relationships and absolutely loved it. The post is a little long, yet very thorough. I truly wish there were required classes in High School and College to teach the importance of relationships and how to make them work. I understand we need to learn by experience and sometimes the only way to truly grow is to rise up from the ashes, yet, if we could get it right the first time, maybe we could alleviate some of the shrapnel our kids end up with when our relationships become destructive.

 

Out of the hundreds of analogies I saw these past few weeks, one stuck with me. A nurse emailed saying that she used to work with a lot of geriatric patients. And one day she was talking to a man in his late-80s about marriage and why his had lasted so long. The man said something like, “relationships exist as waves, people need to learn how to ride them.” Upon asking him to explain, he said that, like the ocean, there are constant waves of emotion going on within a relationship, ups and downs—some waves last for hours, some last for months or even years. The key is understanding that few of those waves have anything to do with the quality of the relationship—people lose jobs, family members die, couples relocate, switch careers, make a lot of money, lose a lot of money. Your job as a committed partner is to simply ride the waves with the person you love, regardless of where they go. Because ultimately, none of these waves last. And you simply end up with each other.

 

I used to complain about the “ebbs and flows” of my marriage. Instead of riding the waves, I fought them. If you are struggling in a marriage, want to improve your relationship, in a new relationship, or single and want to take a step for your future in the right direction, please read Mark Manson’s Relationship Advice.