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Hello my Fledglings!

 

It’s been quite a long time since I’ve sat down and blogged. I feel some guilt that I haven’t kept up on my writing. My blog has been a way for me to process what’s going on in my life; a way to take me out of my story, instead of sitting in it.

 

Old habits die hard and through all the changes and loss these past 12 months, I’ve sat in my story for much too long.

 

Five years ago, my wife asked for separation. Four years ago, she asked for divorce. After all this time and energy, we will be signing papers tomorrow.

 

It’s time to become the observer and process what’s been going on so I can, once again, Rise from the Ashes.

 

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I can’t start today’s Grateful Sunday without being grateful for the mother of my two beautiful daughters. I have never regretted my choice when I asked her to be my wife and the future mother of my children. I knew from the start that she was the one I wanted to raise my kids. Out of all the women I had dated before, I never felt so deeply, in my soul, the desire that this person was the one I wanted to parent with. This was also confirmed today when I read the gratitude my youngest daughter posted about her mom on Instagram. Today is Her day.

 

The other night, when my wife was dealing with our older daughter, my younger daughter told me, “Mom’s in her calm mood. I like Mom when she’s like this. She handles conflict well.”

 

In many ways, my wife has modeled the type of parent I have strived to become. I had always been reactive (well, still can be), not regulating my emotions well, and using shame and guilt as my methods of discipline (this is what I was raised with). For many years, when my wife would catch me parenting in an unhealthy way, I internalized her critique that I couldn’t do anything right and became defensive. These past few years, I’ve been able to change my story and view her comments more as constructive criticism. Stepping away from that belief, I’m now able to hold better boundaries as a father, ground myself faster, and parent from a healthier place. I have my wife to thank for that.

 

And since it’s Mother’s Day, I think I’ll add the Grateful Sunday I posted last year. Can’t say it more eloquently than that.

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