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I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m selfish. It seems that my blogs are made more for me than for my Fledglings. Here, let me explain.

 

I’m the kind of person who learns something, shouts it out to the world, has a tendency to walk around like I know it all, and then…a few months later, I completely forget what it was I learned. Recovery, self-help, self-love, insight, lessons I’ve learned really take a while to stick. Maybe it’s because I’ve got multiple decades of ingrained behavior I’m trying to change. Maybe it’s because you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. Or maybe it’s because I’m a man (sorry guys, truth hurts).

 

So, it’s taken me a while to remember that when something I struggled with in the past reoccurs or I need a little kick in the ass to understand what’s going on, I have a wealth of information at my fingertips. Right here! Instead of trying to search my emails for some great idea I heard about or try to Google it, I can go right to my handy dandy website and find it. I can look under my Chronological List of Blog Entries or under my Chronological List of Wednesday Share Day Blogs. I can even use the search button located in the upper right hand corner of this website page.

 

See, I told you I was selfish. Spoken like a true addict! (yes, you can do the same thing too…)

 

Today, I’d like to share with you an article that was posted on the In The Rooms: I Love Recovery website. This recovery piece is titled What to Say When you Don’t Know What to Say, by Andrea Wachter, LMFT. If  you’ve ever been caught off guard by something someone says to you, and you’re like me who struggles with becoming reactive, make a copy of this article and store it on your smartphone or in your wallet (or find it here under the List of Share Day Bogs). I believe this will not only save you grief from accidentally putting your foot in your mouth (something I have a tendency to do regularly) but allow open communication and understanding between you and another individual.

 

If you can think of anything else to add to Andrea’s List, please add it in the comments down below.

(written 02-10-2017)

 

My blogging journey has been quite an interesting trek. I’m grateful that you’ve kept me company along the way.

 

I started a blog series two weeks ago titled Be Careful of What You Wish For. I finished Part 1 of that multi-blog series, and now, here I am, doing another multi-blog series on something completely different.

 

“Rafiki,” I protest. “I’m going to lose my readers.”

 

“Life’s a long journey, with problems to solve, lessons to learn, but most of all, experiences to enjoy,” Rafiki quotes. “True friends, your readers, will enjoy the adventure you’re taking them. Believe in yourself and trust that you’re going where you need to be.”

 

There have been so many important breakthroughs lately, that it’s important for me to continue this path a bit longer to help me get some clarity before trying to figure out what it is I want out of my life.

 

So, if you’re anything like me, and can only read a self-help book from page 1 straight through to the end, my deepest apologies for having you jump around on a sporadic slog through my emotional jungle.

 

But, if you’ve just joined me, maybe I’ve already finished that other multi-part blog series and you can have peace of mind by reading those in chronological order. Your choice of course.

 

But what’s the fun in that? (My ex would ask me what I’ve been smoking for that change in thinking.)

 

Today, I say, grab the machete and tough it out. Let’s go hacking our way through the tangled wilderness of my mind and see where we end up.

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Due to the fires, hurricanes, and other natural disasters, this past week has been a week of processing my own fears and personal trauma triggers. Whenever I’m struggling over negative emotions, my therapist always asks me, “what are the gifts of that emotion?” And, many times, it’s hard for me to find gifts when I am in the depths of anxiety, fear, or anger. I know it’s important to work on changing my story to help me manage my feelings, but sometimes I just get stuck. Yes, I am human!

 

I like Karla McLaren’s website that explains emotions on a deeper level. She teaches how to take a toxic emotion “that’s a total drag and turn it into an asset.”

 

“First, you learn what the emotion is supposed to do and what message it carries. I find that when people know what their emotion is asking of them, they have a much easier time working with it. For instance, if you know that anger is about boundaries, you can look at an overabundance (or lack) of anger and re-frame the entire situation in terms of how you set (or ignore) boundaries. When you know what emotions are for, it’s a heck of a lot easier to work with them.”

 

This week I worked on finding the gifts and understanding anxiety, fear, and panic/terror. Through my recovery (and the research from my last few blogs) I’m aware that even though I “cognitively” understand my fear, I had pieces that were related to trauma triggers. Not only was I working on meditation, tapping, and prayer, but I needed to also see my therapist for an EMDR session to help process those triggers and help bring me back to ground. Interestingly, this was what I had planned to discuss in my next blog entries. The universe works in mysterious ways.

 

If you want to learn about different emotions, empathy, and/or empathetic mindfulness skills, the first page to go to on Laura McLaren’s website is: Start Here. Hopefully, you too can find some nuggets that can help when you are struggling.