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Continued from Why Do I Still Continue to Struggle

January 2, 2019

 

I stand once again staring out the window watching an airplane push back. This time, it’s not my wife that’s leaving. This time, it’s not me remembering when my sister used to leave.

 

This time, I’m watching my daughter leave.

 

I feel numb. I feel like a soggy towel that someone has just wrung out.

 

I’m tired with lack of sleep. And in my weakness the Knight of Shame swings his sword. I barely have time to ward him off as I weakly lift my shield. I’m knocked to the ground.

 

Why are you feeling this way?

 

Come on Phoenix! You have so much to be grateful for.

 

Really, you’re going to wallow in this tornado of sadness once again?

 

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(written March 18, 2017)

 

The Quest for Joy sometimes seems as mystical and futile as the Quest for the Holy Grail. Whereas the Holy Grail is said to be the cup of the Last Supper and has curing magic properties, the Quest for Joy is said to be the cure to all our problems.

 

Just find happiness and life will be better. At least that’s what they tell us.

 

Now how do we do that amidst our pain and suffering?

 

Are you ready to join me on a quest to find the answer?

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(started January 17, 2018)

(finished May 8, 2018)

 

January 17, 2018

It’s been really hard for me to get the motivation to write lately. Having my Grateful Sunday blogs, my Motivational Monday blogs, and my Wednesday Share Day blogs have kept things current on my website, but I haven’t continued on my own personal journey of self-reflection.

 

I kind of just stopped.

 

I don’t want to hear what I’m going tell myself.

 

Even though I’ve been doing well with self-care, I’ve realized that I’ve been avoiding writing from an observer perspective. I’ve also noticed that I’ve struggled being honest with Rafiki (both my friend and my own internal voice).

 

In a way, I’ve sorta went back into my story.

 

Today, it’s time to stop resisting and find out what it is I’m avoiding. Although, I think I already know the answer .

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