Posts

 

Ok…this first share isn’t the “actual” share I was going to give today, but I thought this was cool.

 

Yesterday was The Spring Equinox – thank you Google for the animation. I had no idea that the Spring Equinox meant that most places would have an equal amount of daylight and night (12 hours each). That means Spring is now here and today we’ll have just a little bit more daylight than yesterday. YAY!

 

Wait…isn’t there another snow storm hitting the North East today? Maybe Google was just teasing us yesterday.

 

My share this week is focused on the family of an addict.

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I’m finding that the desire to continue to learn more about the trauma I caused in my marriage is fading. I feel burned out. I feel beaten and whipped. I want to take a break. I know that’s avoidance, me evading what I need to do.

 

If I take a break, will I even want to come back to this?

 

Probably not.

 

I know I need to continue. Not just for myself, but for my Fledglings. I want all of you to have the information and knowledge I didn’t fully understand at the beginning. I want us all to rise from the ashes.

 

We can only get there by walking through the fire.

 

Are you ready to die so you can be reborn?

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(Disclosure: Some of this reading may be triggering and sound childish. This piece was a process for me. Please read ALL the way through to the end before commenting. Thanks.)

 

As I’m going through the process of grieving my divorce I need to acknowledge the feeling I’m having today. This one feeling is one that I shy away from. I don’t like it. It’s the emotion that I grew up with. It reminds me of my step-father’s spontaneous rages. This emotion is the one I fear from both others and myself.

 

Anger

 

As much as I don’t like the feeling of anger, I have a way of letting it grow and fester in me. Instead of dealing with it, I let it eat me up from the inside. And, as it devours me, I get more annoyed that I can’t control it.

 

I want it to stop. I want to shove it deep down so I don’t have to experience it. I want to kick it to the curb. I want it out of me.

 

If you try to stop a moving freight train with just your two hands you’re going to get crushed. Holding in anger is like trying to hold back a 5,000 ton locomotive.

 

It’s like hearing the backfire of a car that’s not burning fuel evenly. My anger reminds me of the car in the movie Uncle Buck, right before he picks up his niece from the party with Gnat (bonus points if anyone remembers that boy’s real name). It’s detonation; where too much fuel is introduced into the carburetor and instead of a smooth-running engine, the engine pops and crackles due to mini explosions.

 

That’s what’s happening today; tiny outbursts that erupt over the simplest things.

 

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