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I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m selfish. It seems that my blogs are made more for me than for my Fledglings. Here, let me explain.

 

I’m the kind of person who learns something, shouts it out to the world, has a tendency to walk around like I know it all, and then…a few months later, I completely forget what it was I learned. Recovery, self-help, self-love, insight, lessons I’ve learned really take a while to stick. Maybe it’s because I’ve got multiple decades of ingrained behavior I’m trying to change. Maybe it’s because you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. Or maybe it’s because I’m a man (sorry guys, truth hurts).

 

So, it’s taken me a while to remember that when something I struggled with in the past reoccurs or I need a little kick in the ass to understand what’s going on, I have a wealth of information at my fingertips. Right here! Instead of trying to search my emails for some great idea I heard about or try to Google it, I can go right to my handy dandy website and find it. I can look under my Chronological List of Blog Entries or under my Chronological List of Wednesday Share Day Blogs. I can even use the search button located in the upper right hand corner of this website page.

 

See, I told you I was selfish. Spoken like a true addict! (yes, you can do the same thing too…)

 

Today, I’d like to share with you an article that was posted on the I Love Recovery Cafe website. This recovery piece is titled What to Say When you Don’t Know What to Say, by Andrea Wachter, LMFT. If  you’ve ever been caught off guard by something someone says to you, and you’re like me who struggles with becoming reactive, make a copy of this article and store it on your smartphone or in your wallet (or find it here under the List of Share Day Bogs). I believe this will not only save you grief from accidentally putting your foot in your mouth (something I have a tendency to do regularly) but allow open communication and understanding between you and another individual.

 

If you can think of anything else to add to Andrea’s List, please add it in the comments down below.

A week and a half ago was really tough. I relived the complete story about my marriage, my addiction, and my recovery with a fellow peer. It’d been a while since I re-experienced the full, detailed history of how my addiction shattered the three people closest to me.

 

As I remembered who I was and what I’d done, I could not understand why my former spouse and I still had as strong a friendship that we still do. I had to battle the shame and guilt that once again threatened to tear down my self-worth and self-esteem.

 

Using my tools, I was able to ground myself and stop the stories lies I kept making up.

 

That’s not always an easy process.

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My former spouse reminded me of a remark I had made about her almost ten years ago. This was one of many damaging comments I made about my wife while we were married.

 

It’s important to realize that when we’re not mindful, words can become daggers that cut into the souls of someone else’s heart. Once we vocalize our faulty thoughts, we can never take them back. We leave shotgun sized holes in a person’s psyche that may never heal.

 

And sometimes, that person is us.

 

These stories become the poison that kills the inner child.

 

These injuries are brought into interactions with family and friends. They’re carried into relationships. They are passed down to children.

 

This cycle of pain continues from generation to generation, from person to person. People suffer. Society suffers.

 

There is a solution. It takes persistence. It takes time. It takes courage.

 

We may uncover parts of ourselves we don’t wanted to face. It may even mean we have to change.

 

Sometimes we must step into the dark to appreciate the light; experience the winter storms to cherish the summer.

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