This was one crazy, wild, and fun week! It was the ending of an era; 18 years of moving from one airline for the next destination at another. Sadness as I leave a piece of my heart behind and move away from many coworkers who are family to me. Yet excitement at the prospects that lie ahead and the new family I’m joining. I pray that my schedule will finally open up so I no longer have to commute and will spend the time in my own bed that I used to spend out on the road. I pray I will have the time with my family I have longed to have.
This week has been a hurricane of emotions; love, happiness, loss, grief, excitement, and fear. A lot to process. I’m grateful that my journey of recovery has allowed me the ability to stay present with it all.
My birthday was a cool way to start the week with one on one time for me, going to the gym and participating in a phone conference for my new job. I later spent the rest of the day hanging out with my youngest daughter and my wife and having my older daughter join us for dinner. I’m so grateful my wife wanted to share my day with me, taking my younger daughter, a friend of hers, and myself to lunch, coffee, a leisurely day of hanging out at stores, and an incredible dinner. I’m grateful both daughters had friends and they had the opportunity to experience fondue for the first time at The Melting Pot. I was completely spoiled and this will go down as one of my more memorable birthdays. I’d do this day again in a heartbeat!
This week was my last week with my current airline. I’m grateful for the crew members I was scheduled to fly with and the triple overnight in my hometown. We started the first evening prepping for Thanksgiving. I’m grateful one of my crew members took over in the kitchen while I still had to run back and forth to the store for supplies. I’m grateful my sister and brother in law saved the day by grabbing our prepped food to cook when my oven decided to stop working. And I’m grateful for the Thanksgiving feast they put on for us at their place after we had a 12 hour day at work. The dinner was amazing!
I’m grateful for a final evening at Applebees and playing a game with my wife, younger daughter, and my crew. With ten hours between two twelve hour shifts and waiting up for an additional three hours until we touched down, I’m grateful for the sacrifice my wife gave so she and our daughter could hang out with me on my very last night. Really, that means more to me than words can say.
I’m grateful my younger daughter spent two evenings with me at the hotel and she was able to be a part of the family of people I work with. I’m grateful for yummy continental breakfasts with not just my crew, but another crew as well. Cards Against Humanity was a fun way to start off my final day. I’m grateful for the four ramp agent send off from my home airport and the birthday treats they brought out to the crew.
And I’m grateful I was able to spend some time with my wife on our Anniversary. She had to work Thanksgiving day, but I was able to spend an hour or so with her at work and she joined us her sister’s house after she got off. I’m grateful my crew got along so well with her family that I was able to sneak away to spend time with her. I’m grateful for 15 years of marriage. I’m grateful for her friendship, the mother she is to our two beautiful daughters, and her willingness to always work around the schedule of my career. The holidays are always difficult for both of us and I’m grateful for her openness, vulnerability, and continual checking in with one another and our emotions.
I have no idea what the future holds, and yet today, I’m grateful that anger, resentment, and bitterness coupled with the emotions of guilt, shame, and feeling like a victim, has been absorbed by forgiveness, love, and understanding. I still struggle with fear, grief, and potential loss, however, those are the normal emotions I will have as I continue to process my journey of letting go. I’m grateful I can recognize my emotions, have the tools to care for myself and the friends I can reach out to help when I need it, and that I no longer feel the need or the necessity to medicate my pain.
I’m grateful my car gave one final valiant effort to get me home. She’s had a bad clutch and transmission for many years now and the fact she got me within a AAA tow for the final 59 miles and stopped not on the side of a busy highway, but in a small town, showed me her love to take care of me till the bitter end. 22 years of love we’ve shared. It’s sad, but it’s time to let her go.
2018…lot’s of goodbyes; as I said, the ending of an era. And yet, while there is sadness and grief, what I feel most is LOVE. There’s so much to be grateful for. In addition, I feel like something GRAND is coming in 2019 and can’t wait to see what comes.