I’m grateful for the Marvel universe and Avengers: End Game. I wasn’t able to see the movie opening weekend, however, my older daughter and I were able to enjoy it this past Thursday. The two of us were so engaged and we both enjoyed it immensely; it sure didn’t feel like it was s 3 hour movie. I will not say anything else, because I don’t want to spoil it for my Fledglings.
I’m grateful that I’ve meditated 25 days in a row. And during that time, I’ve kept up with my daily morning routine of anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour before I start my day. I’ve coupled this with listening to Kyle Cease 100 days of meditation and his Limitation Game series. I’m on Lesson 28 in Marianne Williamson’s A Course in Miracles recommended to me by my Score Mentor. I find it interesting as I started going through the course she developed in 1975, that someone I didn’t know a month ago, is one who’s currently running a presidential campaign for 2020. The universe brings us around in strange ways.
I’m grateful that I was able to keep up with my planned goals for the month of April. There were a few areas I really wanted to avoid. The two main ones were looking at my financial house and sitting down with my wife to discuss what we needed to do to finalize our divorce. Avoidance of areas in my life that are emotionally tough has always been where I end up. As my therapist told me many times, “Phoenix, you don’t like to rock the boat. Sometimes it’s important that you do.”
At the beginning of April, while working on The Five Day Confidence Challenge by Ruth Soukup, I learned my Fear Archetype was Procrastination. Ok, not really something I didn’t already know. I mean, Rafiki did lecture me over two years ago, January 2017, “You’re future tripping and creating dilemmas. You’ve created choices so far down the road that you’ve boxed yourself in a corner. What you have in front of you is infinite choices.”
Two weeks ago, I realized this same pattern of procrastination in my previous jobs and career while working on Financial Recovery by Karen McCall. One can never risk failure if one does not take risk. Procrastination allows me not to ever fail by running away from my fears instead of facing them head on.
I’m grateful this five day challenge and my Texts With Rafiki about conquering fear and watching the two movies about climbing El Capitan, gave me the confidence and motivation to stop procrastinating and push through my fear of shame, failure, and dealing with the pain of divorce and financial instability.
I’m grateful that by taking this leap of faith, my wife and I were able to agree with a plan to both sell our house and split my 401K in the divorce. This has been something I’ve resisted for many years. I’m grateful that my roommates are planning to move with me, allowing this change not to be as great a financial burden for both our families. And, I’m grateful they’re willing to help me get my house prepped for sale.
I’m grateful that Rafiki still holds me accountable by continuing to challenge my thinking, while at the same time remaining supportive to the emotions that continue to bubble up within me. A lot has surfaced this past month and I’m grateful I have someone to help me work through it.
I’m grateful that I randomly received an email from someone who was looking for advice as he’s currently slogging through the tough emotions that comes from addiction and betrayal in his marriage. There’s so much strength and courage to allow oneself to be vulnerable, admit mistakes, and want to learn and grow from them. There are so many people who avoid looking within to learn how to parent their inner child. By blaming their partner and not taking responsibility for their part of the relationship, they only end up repeating the same mistakes and hinder their own self-growth. Breaking free from our childhood wounding and our past patterns of managing that pain is not an easy process. Awareness and acknowledgement are the first steps towards self-love. My heart and prayers go out to him, his wife, and his family as they continue to heal from the past.
I’m grateful my roommate has free weights and a bench at my house. I was busy the other day and didn’t have a chance to go to the gym. While my girls went their separate ways, isolating themselves in their rooms after dinner, I decided to take that time to design my own workout routine. I’m grateful for YouTube and the various dance videos that are posted online. It was fun trying to mimic the Zumba routines, listen to good music, all while warming up for weight lifting. I’m also grateful for my 9-mile run in San Antonio this past week. The Riverwalk in downtown San Antonio is such a peaceful and beautiful setting.
I’m grateful for Dax Sheppard and his Armchair Expert with Ester Perel. I’ve listened to her Ted Talk Rethinking Infidelity…a Talk for Anyone Who has Ever Loved, explaining why people cheat and why affairs are so traumatic. After listening to Armchair Expert, I listened to two of her personal podcasts where she and the couples she had in session, navigated the pain and trauma behind betrayal in their marriage. There was a lot I needed to hear from these and I’m grateful for the ability to empathize with my wife over my past discretions. I’m looking forward to more research, more inner work, and sharing what I’ve learned on the next Wednesday Share Day blog.
I’m grateful for the sacrifice my parents gave so I could attend the National Scout Jamboree. Not only did they pay for a large portion of my trip, they also helped me raise money for the week long historical camping trip. Our fund-raising event was making frozen pizzas. You must remember, this was before anyone could purchase a frozen pizza at the grocery store. Yes, I know, I’m dating myself.
I’m grateful that not only did my parents help me obtain orders from friends and family, they also helped me make the pizzas. And, more importantly, my step-father drove all over helping me deliver the pizzas that were ordered. Ironically, my first job a year later, was working at a pizza parlor. That was a huge commitment and a lot of time they took to help raise money so I could attend this once in a lifetime expedition.
I’m also grateful that when a track meet conflicted with a required camping trip in preparation for the jamboree, my parents were able to make it work for me to do both. After the meet ended, my parents dropped me off at the entrance to the campground around 9pm. The main road was blocked off and my classmates were flabbergasted that my parents trusted me enough to leave me in the middle of the night with only a backpack and flashlight to hike the 2 miles in by myself. I’m grateful I had earned their trust and was given the autonomy to do that on my own. What an empowering experience.
The National Scout Jamboree allowed me to tour our national capital and learn the history about our great country. I’m so grateful my parents allowed me to have that once in a lifetime experience.