I’m grateful that I’ve started to blog once again. There has been such a resistance for so many months that I just didn’t have the motivation to write.
In October, I was honored to have attended a conference where Patrick Carnes was one of the main speakers. I talked briefly with him, expressing my deepest gratitude for all the work he has done over the years with sex addiction and the deeper work he’s done with the neuroscience of the brain. In our talk I had explained that I was finding it difficult to blog while finalizing my divorce. His face got serious and he looked me in the eyes and said, “Now’s not the time to write. Now’s the time to process what you’re going through. There will be a time and place when you’re ready to write again.”
I’m grateful for his wise words because it lifted a burden off my shoulders that I had been carrying. I’m grateful for the break which has allowed the tone in my writing to change and the knowledge of where I’d like to place my energy in the future.
I’m grateful for a fellow Fledgling who reached out asking for help. In addition, I’m grateful for Eddie Capparucci, a sex addition therapist in Georgia, who asked me to read his manuscript for a book that’s coming out in a couple of weeks. I’m honored and thrilled that I get to write about it. It’s through these two email exchanges and what I learned in his upcoming book that has given me the motivation to write again.
I’m grateful I was able to help my roommate when she needed help with childcare because of a last minute cancelation. I’m grateful on one of those days my older daughter was able to attend to him for an hour and half, which allowed me time at the gym. And I’m grateful that by watching him, I was able to see ways that I could better love myself.
I’m grateful for the life I have been given. For all the lessons I have learned. For the struggles, the trials, the pain, and the days I just wanted to give up. I’m grateful that through all that, I have grown stronger and more aware of the world around me. I’ve learned how to care for myself, be more patient, and I have more empathy for others. I no longer hold the anger, the resentment, and the fear of divorce. I finally feel free from the internal shackles I created that held myself back.
I’m grateful that 2020 will be the year I truly rise from the ashes. This will be my year to fly!