Grateful Sunday – August 26, 2018

Oh my! What a wonderful grateful week this has been!

I’m grateful my former spouse invited me out to dinner and movie the night before I had to leave for my interview. Still, after 18 years, I get the excited butterflies in my stomach not only knowing we’re going to spend time together, but that she’s as excited as I am. This had been a long couple of months only being home in 24 hour or 48 hour stints and her working full time graveyard shifts (she’s a morning person who needs her sleep to recharge her batteries) that the opportunity for our schedules to match and have a Friendly Adventure Outing (FAO) hasn’t happened. I’m grateful she shared in her support and excitement over my upcoming interview. And I’m grateful for the movie we ended up watching (wasn’t our first choice, just the only one available); Christopher Robin. I was transported back in time when we first started dating and she fancied Tigger and Winnie the Pooh. Sneaking a peak at her in the theater and watching her mouth the songs silently to herself, I fell in love with her all over again.

I’m grateful for an incredible experience interviewing at an airline I seriously want to be a part of. The vision and mission of its future, the excitement and warmth I received from everyone I ran into, and the time and energy they put into the employees, added to my enthusiasm to become a part of their family. I’m grateful that I gave it my all and have left that interview knowing I did the best I could. I pray to God that I’m given the opportunity to join this great company, however, for the first time, I’m letting go of the outcome. He knows what’s best for me and I trust that whatever path He has, is the one I will be on. I’m grateful for this belief because it has allowed me to release the energy of anxiety as I must wait two weeks before I hear an answer.

I’m grateful to celebrate one of the three most important days of my life this week; the birth of my youngest daughter. As I reflect back on the day, I’m grateful that I was able to be there in the delivery room during the birth. I can’t imagine what it must have been like back in the day when fathers were not allowed in there and had to wait for the announcement that they had a boy or a girl. I’m grateful I was able to be supportive of my wife while at the same time gain the ultimate respect for moms and what they must endure during childbirth. I’m grateful I was able to witness the beauty of life my former spouse and I created and to watch her transform into an exquisite young lady.

And, I’m grateful for an upcoming week at home. No plans, other than transporting the girls back and forth from school. Time for me to recharge my batteries, not feeling the stress of constantly being on the road and living in hotel rooms and at a crash pad. Time for me to connect with my friends and program. And, most importantly, time spent with my family.

09-02-2018

PS: My former spouse read this Grateful Sunday and gave me her opinion while we were on a walk the other day. I wanted to clarify a couple of things she pointed out. First, was how I use former spouse in much of my writing even though we are not legally divorced. If interested you can read my explanation here.

Second, she pointed out that I have a tendency to “fluff” things up; you know, make them bigger than they truly are. She said it was me who was singing all the songs in the movie theater, that she had only sung one. And that it was me who liked Winnie the Pooh…

Side note: actually, I never liked Winnie the Pooh. For one reason only; I did not like the complaining Eeyore. I did not want to subject myself to his negative energy. Which is very interesting, because in recovery, I’ve learned the things that annoy us about other people are usually the traits about ourselves that we don’t like. Let me tell you, I was a mirror image of Eeyore, and I brought that negative energy into my marriage and as a parent. After reading the Tao of Pooh a couple of years ago, my appreciation and love of A.A. Milne characters grew on me. I digress…

My former spouse/wife explained my “Fluff” like this; it’s like when you play with a child. You do something that makes the child respond positively and when the child laughs, you do it again. And again. And again. When my wife and I first started dating, I was that child. So while I thought she was completely into Winnie the Pooh, she enjoyed it due to my positive reactions towards her. Sounds like the beginning of one codependent relationship. LOL!

Yes, I am Phoenix, the incredible Fluffer. I make mountains out of molehills. I create things that are not there. I make issues that are small become overwhelming. Really though, this has been my journey. If you’ve followed my blog from the very beginning, that has been my struggle, to not make up stories where they never existed in the first place and to not make something bigger than it really is.

I’m grateful that my wife and I are on a level where I no longer take her observations as a personal attack. Where I can laugh at my shortcomings and where I can make adjustments and changes in myself and my behavior when I feel necessary. I’m grateful for recovery. I’m grateful for my Higher Power. And I’m grateful for you, my Fledglings, who, just by being here, have helped me on my personal journey of self improvement. See, I just Fluffed it up once again, as I made this piece all about me.