Grateful Sunday April 5, 2020

I’m so grateful for the hour writing session I did with 20+ people in Anna David’s hosted Zoom meeting four days this past week. Having a set time (especially when my ever changing, erratic schedule worked in my favor) to sit down and write, helped me unclog my sink and process the emotions, beliefs, and feelings that have kept me stuck during this pandemic. It was an awesome feeling, not to only be accountable for my work, but also to be with so many amazing individuals working on their journey of opening up, being vulnerable, and writing about their personal struggles and lives.

I’m grateful to have had some time to reflect, get back into a self-care routine, and to finally feel some of my anxiety and fear start to melt away. It’s really easy for me to sit and get stuck in my head, rather than take the necessary steps to acknowledge what I’m thinking, accept it, and then, let it go. As Rafiki helped me process through the writing I posted yesterday, 6 Feet Apart, I tend to grasp onto the scalding hot pan of negative self-talk, fear, and doubt, rather than instinctively let go of the negative belief, grab my mitt of protective self-care, then cook my gourmet of self-love instead.

Wow! That last one sounded good. Wish I had said that in yesterday’s blog.

Speaking of my blog, I’m grateful for two close friends, who gave me the nuggets I needed to process everything I was going through. My work has always been a cumulative effort of my closest friends challenging my thoughts and helping me look at them from a different perspective. My friends don’t judge, they challenge. They accept and love me just the way I am. That is one of the biggest gifts anyone can have. I am so grateful for the people I have in my life.

I’m grateful for the virtual therapy session I have scheduled with my therapist tomorrow. I don’t feel as reactive at the end of the week as I have for the past three. Partly because I’ve processed a lot through my writing. However, I did invest in some EMDR paddles and we will do some online resourcing together.

I had to look up “resourcing” to see what my therapist meant. He did say it wasn’t practical to do a full blown virtual EMDR session, so I was curious to learn the difference. I learned that paddles, or tappers/pulsars, are superior for resourcing and that eye movements, with the use of a wand, are superior for trauma processing. The best way I can explain it is that resourcing is helping one work on the low hanging fruit; those issues that you are dealing with in the present. Whereas using the wand, where your eyes follow it back and forth, helps reprocess the deep-rooted trauma that’s the underlying cause for the triggers that are coming up in everyday life. It is important to have an in person session while processing trauma so the therapist can intervene if he or she needs to.

I’m grateful for my Saturday SAA Zoom meeting. There’s comfort seeing the same guys I’ve been in group with for years; a homey feeling (wait, that’s because I was at home). I may not get the hugs. Shucks! And I may not get the one on one catch ups (although we all do have each other’s number). However, I do get that sense of community combined with the courage, strength, and hope we give one another through the honesty of our shares.

Speaking of Zoom meetings with friends, I’m so grateful for my Zoom Beer Meeting with a couple of my male friends the other night. It was just like we were all hanging out together. Wait, I mean we were. Just in separate houses. I would love to find a way for this to continue when I’m on a trip. (Since I write this on Saturday so it can post on Sunday, I’m hoping I won’t get called out to fly tonight so that my youngest daughter and I can join on tonight’s D&D Zoom adventure with my friends)

And speaking of my youngest, I’m grateful for our discussion about how hard the shelter in place has been for her. She’s just like her father and needs that social connection. When I realized how hard she was really struggling, it was easier for me to find solutions to help give her what she needed.

I’m grateful we hung out in the backyard while I pulled weeds and she worked on an essay. I’m grateful that she was able to do her homework while I was finishing up my last post. I’m grateful that she got some needed time with a friend of hers, albeit they maintained the required Physical Distancing but were still able to be Social together. And I’m grateful I took the time to just stop doing all my stuff to sit and watch Girls Trip with her. I don’t know when the last time I’ve laughed so hard to a movie was. I’m also grateful, that at midnight, when she looked completely exhausted and wore out, that, without complaining or whining, she helped me unload the dishwasher and load it back up with dirty dishes before we went to bed.

I’m also grateful for my brief FaceTime chat with my older daughter as she was trying to figure out what to do when Baby Kitty brought a little bunny in the house. It wasn’t the best experience for her, however, I’m grateful that I was able to be with her when she needed someone and that she felt comfortable enough to reach out when Mom was working. I’m also grateful for our drive together, to get out of the house and allow her the opportunity to continue to practice for her upcoming driver’s test (which will most likely get postponed) and to grab french fries, a rare treat she hasn’t had in a while.

I look out the window I see rain. My first thought is shucks I’m not going to be able to pull weeds today and great, now more are going to come. Then I realize that I’m really grateful for the rain. While we’ve been so distracted with the doom and gloom of the Coronavirus and sheltering in place, I’m not sure if anyone has noticed how much rain we’ve been getting. Hopefully, this will continue and this year’s fire season won’t be as bad as it has been in the past. I’m grateful for the life that the rain brings us.

And of course, I’m grateful for all of you, my Fledglings. May you stay safe, strong, and take good care of yourselves and your loved ones.

PS:  I had to add that I’m so, so grateful I was not called out yesterday and got to play D&D with not only my buddies (It’s been a year since my schedule has worked out to play with them), but I was joined by my youngest daughter. We played on a different platform, Roll20, which is kind of like Zoom, however our DM was able to have a map for us and we were able to move our characters on the screen. After a while, it didn’t feel like we were in separate homes, but all together. I can also see how her binging The Vampire Diaries this week and many of the other movies she has watched over the years made her the perfect candidate for becoming a natural with a roll playing adventure.  Well, it also helped that she kept rolling 17 or greater on the dice (once a natural 20). Should I be scared that she was too excited to punch the attacking Kobold in the face then take him as a prisoner?

I have an adventure that I had planned for my girls and my nephews last summer. It’s time to finish the information about the characters I was working on and just jump in and start playing. Hopefully, with the help of my friend, I can put my game on Roll20 also so we can connect and socialize during this time of “physically distancing”.