(written April 17, 2020)

 

I’m sitting in the backyard at a friend’s house with two others I met through Ana David’s Launchpad Inner Circle; the group I mentioned in 6 Feet Apart. An amazing company of people with their own stories about rising from the ashes of their pain and soaring beautiful, healing, and newly, enriched lives. A bond of individuals from all over that only grows stronger every day.

 

I haven’t blogged much in the past couple of months. I’ve taken a break and done some deep work on myself that I really needed. I have so much content from these new experiences and many “ah ha” moments I want to share with all of you.

 

I’m still in the discovery and rebuilding stages of myself and my life. I’m trying to be more present for my precious daughters, my gifts from God. And there’s a lot I’d like to do with this website that will be taking most of my energy before I can get to blogging like I once was.

 

I’m not going to rush my process. I will get there in due time.

 

I wrote this piece in April when I hit a wall. It was when I realized I needed a reboot. It was when I realized I was sitting in the fire, burning up inside, and I needed to spread my wings so I could soar agin. It was a brief step backwards to get back into the air.

 

I shared my writing with my group and my group only. I wasn’t planning to publish it, and yet, as I’ve battled this inner voice that has once again became too afraid to speak publicly (I have a piece about Black Live Matters that I started almost two months ago that I can’t seem to finish), I reread this the other day and realized I had done some really good processing I had forgotten about.

 

Sometimes, we fall back into old habits.

 

Rafiki recently told me, “It’s the first time hearing that again!”

 

I’m human and it’s only with repetition and experience that learning will eventually become habit.

 

Here’s what I wrote over three months ago.

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Just heard this song on Spotify and I had to share it with my Fledglings.

Together (We’ll Get Through This)

~ Steven Curtis Chapman feat. Brad Paisley, Tasha Cobbs Leonard, and Lauren Alaina

 

 

 

Then, after I watch it on YouTube, the following song by for King and Country comes on.

Together

~ for King and Country feat. Kirk Franklin and Tori Kelly

 

 

Hang in there. Together we’ll get through this.

 

Together We Can Heal!

 

Love you all!!

 

Rising From the Ashes,

 

~ Phoenix

And here we are in May. My has it just snuck on up on us. Before you know it, it’ll be Christmas!

 

I’m grateful for another week of digging in deeply into my own self care. I’m grateful I’ve been able to sit still in meditation for 30 minutes five days in a row. Now that’s a miracle in and of itself. I’m grateful for doing five days worth of yoga and breath work, something that when I started I was counting the minutes until it was over, and yet, when I finished, I felt like I was walking on water. Adding yoga and meditation to my daily practice has allowed me to feel so grounded lately. Another miracle with all the chaos and uncertainty going on around us.

 

I’m grateful for my online network of support groups. I’ve got my SAA meetings on Zoom, my writing group (which has now gone to a more intimate paid format with more lessons and tighter connections to come), my online church group (one member calling in at 2am his time from Africa), and I’ve signed up for Tommy Rosen’s 8-Week Awakening coaching series that I’m looking forward to start next week.

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