(a book review)

 

“You play the victim so well; I’m surprised you don’t carry around your own body chalk.”

~  Author Unknown

 

I had the great privilege and honor to have Eddie Capparucci, a certified sex addiction therapist from Abundant Life Counseling in Marietta, GA and blogger for Sexually Pure Men, ask me to read his new book, Going Deeper: Understanding How the Inner Child Impacts Your Sexual Addiction. This book was released last week, February 13, 2020.

 

 

Eddie has created a treatment program for sex and porn addiction that he named the Inner Child Recovery Process which focuses on helping individuals empower themselves by recognizing it’s their inner child that’s “running the show” when it comes to the addiction. His process has been outlined in his new book.

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I’m sitting here watching my roommate’s toddler. He’s fifteen months old and an adorable little boy. Big smile, laughs a lot, loves to dance when the music’s blaring (my kinda kid), and a TON of energy. He’s also reaching that stage where he knows what he wants (well, for like two minutes until he wants something different) and isn’t afraid to let you know when you aren’t attending to his needs.

 

As I started writing this, he wanted to get up onto the bar stool and proceeded to knock it over. Then he tried walking behind the entertainment system around all the cords. He knows what he’s not allowed to do. But since I’m sitting here typing, he’s going to find a way to get my attention.

 

I also find it interesting how he’s trying to communicate his needs and wants with me. Without the knowledge of speech, he’s using grunts, groans, and hand signals (a sign that I do not know, even after a frantic search on the web, and find out later that it’s his version of “more”) to get across what he wants. If I understand his gestures, he smiles and gets really excited. And yet, if I don’t understand him, he gets frustrated, angry, and at times, will throw a tantrum.

 

How do I know what you want if I have trouble communicating with you? And when you melt, I’m at a complete loss.

 

How do I take care of your needs if you don’t even know what they are?

 

He comes up to me and hands me my keys. As I reach out my arm and open my hand, he rapidly pulls the keys back shaking his head firmly saying, “No.” Then he thrusts the keys back towards me again. We repeat this process numerous times.

 

I watch this little guy with a different set of eyes.

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Happy New Year my Fledglings. Actually, it’s really Happy New Decade. Can you believe I haven’t written for a whole decade?

 

I can see the eye rolling response I’d get from my two teen daughters right now who aren’t as appreciative of “Dad jokes” as I am.

 

Seriously, I can’t believe it’s been three years since I wrote my first blog January 9, 2017. I’ve come such a long way from that first piece where my energy was focused on “if, through this blog, I can save just one marriage…”

 

I’ve had over 9 years in recovery and have done an inordinate amount of personal work. A little over five years ago my ex asked for separation. A year later she asked for divorce and another six months before we filed the divorce with the courts. This was followed by another three and a half years before the final papers were signed, just two months ago.

 

Our divorce will be finalized sometime this month (maybe it already has been) when we receive the stamped “judgment” in the mail.

 

May 1st, 2018 I wrote a blog titled “It’s Time” where I thought I had stopped fighting the current. My therapist repeated to me a couple of weeks ago what he’s been telling me for years.

 

“What I love about the universe, is that it will continue to repeat itself until you’re ready to listen.”

 

I listened alright. Just like a child listens to their parent. “Yeah, yeah. I hear you.”

 

I’d internalize what I heard for a few days, maybe a week or two, then back to old habits I’d go, only to once again be reminded that my actions showed I still did not get it.

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