I’ve identified the intense physical pain.

 

I feel it coming from my elbows, an electrical charge shooting down my forearms to the tips of my fingers.

 

My inner child screams, “Get it out! Get it out!” And yet, his screams are muffled under my adult curiosity.

 

I want to investigate. Understand what it is. Figure out what it means.

 

In the past, I’ve let him take control.

 

I will admit, running from these uncomfortable sensations to get them to stop is so much easier. I mean why would anyone subject themselves to physical pain?

 

I lie in bed trying to comfort my terrified little child. “We know what we need to do to help release this. Let’s try and figure out how to explain what is going on within us first.”

 

“Who cares! It hurts. Stop it! Stop it! STOP IT!” Then under his breath, “it’s her fault.”

 

How do I say this gently without getting Little Phoenix so upset he takes over? He always blames her.

 

“The actions are the trigger. It’s nobody’s fault. We need to figure out what’s going on in our body so we can better manage this trigger.”

 

“I don’t know. And I don’t care. I just want it to stop!” Little Phoenix is pleading with me, begging me to do anything to stop this ache.

 

“We will,” I comfort. “Until we know more. Let’s be a scientist and experiment.”

 

“NOOOO!!” my little boy is getting ready to throw a tantrum.

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Hello my Fledglings!

 

It’s been quite a long time since I’ve sat down and blogged. I feel some guilt that I haven’t kept up on my writing. My blog has been a way for me to process what’s going on in my life; a way to take me out of my story, instead of sitting in it.

 

Old habits die hard and through all the changes and loss these past 12 months, I’ve sat in my story for much too long.

 

Five years ago, my wife asked for separation. Four years ago, she asked for divorce. After all this time and energy, we will be signing papers tomorrow.

 

It’s time to become the observer and process what’s been going on so I can, once again, Rise from the Ashes.

 

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