Over two years ago I started on a journey to rid the emotional and physical pain that continued to cripple me. Resentment flooded my body as I was now, for the first time, learning how to live life on my own. Loneliness and despair slashed through my heart as I watched my wife move on, making up she was happier than she had ever been in our marriage.

 

I pleaded and begged for the pain to disappear. I willed the pain to dissipate. And yet, no matter how hard I tried, I could not release it.

 

A pool of boiling anger bubbled under the surface with the belief that I had once again “failed” and could not do anything right. That anger shot out passive aggressively in my words and my actions, further distancing myself from the one I desired to connect with.

 

My writing allowed me to release my pain. I was able to release the loneliness, the despair, the anguish. I let go of resentment. I let go of anger.

 

I found inner peace.

 

I had risen from the ashes and became reborn.

 

For me, the final journey towards accepting and grieving my divorce has been the desire to get a tattoo. I started that rite of passage this past weekend.

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The other morning, I received a text from my wife, “It may not be what you fully want, but you have a pretty damn good lifestyle.”

 

While she was struggling to get our oldest daughter, who blatantly refused to go to school, out of her house, I was at the gym prior to my dental appointment and meeting up with her and a consultant to discuss separation of assets.

 

My first thought was, “The lifestyle I would like to have is to come home to you and our girls, spend an hour with you before heading to bed, wake up and enjoy a cup of coffee with you, then do what I can to help you out in the morning while you have ‘you time’ because you busted your ass this week once again being a single parent with a full-time job. This morning I’d rather have your lifestyle struggling with getting our girls to school rather than going to the gym at 6:30 in the morning to distract me from the lack of sleep I got the previous night knowing we were going to discuss the next step to finalize our divorce.” (No, I did not say this out loud – I’ve gotten better with boundaries and not vomiting my initial thoughts.)

 

Perspective

 

We have the tendency to see the world from the negative aspects in our own personal lives, while sensationalizing the positive aspects of everyone else’s.

 

For some reason, the grass always seems greener on the other side of the fence.

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