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Pumpkin Entertainment

My daughter stands posed, feet shoulder width apart, knees slightly bent, with her softball bat pointing upwards at an angle over her shoulder. She faces me, eyes staring at my hand, patiently waiting. Underhand, I toss the orange object towards her.

 

Her arms swing the bat and the momentum spins her around in a circle. Strike!

 

She laughs, raises the bat once again, anticipating the next pitch.

 

I bend over and pick up another coral colored piece of fruit. She swings. WHACK!

 

A pumpkin chunk explodes into tiny pieces, guts filling the air, seeds flying in different directions, and I get sprayed with a slimy mass of strings and pumpkin juice.

 

A couple of minutes earlier she was standing over a pumpkin, pounding it with the bat she’s “had since I was six years old. Remember, it was bigger than me. Look at how small it is now.”

 

She was hitting it over and over again. Breathing hard she had stopped, leaned on the bat, and commented, “Dad, I can’t even make a dent in this pumpkin. This is good therapy!”

 

She’s right. This is good therapy. I pitch the next chunk.

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Don’t Do it Charlie Brown

(written 02-20-2017)

 

The day after I wrote You Can’t Have Hope and Grieve at the Same Time, I’m complaining to Rafiki.

 

I tend to do that a lot.

 

Rafiki has been busy lately and he also hasn’t needed to whack me over the head. My therapist is doing it for him. And I do it now. I hear his thoughts, or what I make up are his thoughts, filter through my brain daily.

 

Not this morning!

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You Can’t Hope and Grieve at the Same Time

(written 02-18-2017)

 

So many blogs, so little time.

 

Never thought, in my wildest dreams, I’d ever say that.

 

I have so many ideas that are percolating in my head that I want to talk about. I just don’t have the free time to get them out. Shoot, I haven’t even had the free time to start publishing my blogs.

 

Wait!

 

By the time you read this you’ll be like, “Hey, what do you mean you don’t have the free time to publish? I’ve already read over 20 of your blogs.”

 

I mean, as of this writing, I haven’t started publication yet.

 

Up to this point, the theme of my blogs remains the same: they’re a way of learning how to let go of my marriage, work through the grief of my divorce, integrate my adult with my inner child, and learn to love myself.

 

You’d think that learning to love myself would be the hard part. Nah. That part’s getting easier every day. I’m no longer engaging in the addictive behaviors I had before; I don’t even have those old thoughts.

 

Without all the lies, the guilt and shame of engaging in behaviors that go against my morals, the fear of getting caught including the high stress of juggling all my lies, I let go of a lot crap in my head. Not only is there a level of peace that comes from that, but there’s also an inner confidence and sense of love that I’m now becoming the person I want to be.

 

Every day I find more about me to love.

 

Unfortunately, I still struggle in one area of my life. Maybe the craziness thinking is normal for me, so I gravitate towards it. I cause it. It’s what I have always known.

 

I’ve normalized craziness.

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