Over two years ago I started on a journey to rid the emotional and physical pain that continued to cripple me. Resentment flooded my body as I was now, for the first time, learning how to live life on my own. Loneliness and despair slashed through my heart as I watched my wife move on, making up she was happier than she had ever been in our marriage.

 

I pleaded and begged for the pain to disappear. I willed the pain to dissipate. And yet, no matter how hard I tried, I could not release it.

 

A pool of boiling anger bubbled under the surface with the belief that I had once again “failed” and could not do anything right. That anger shot out passive aggressively in my words and my actions, further distancing myself from the one I desired to connect with.

 

My writing allowed me to release my pain. I was able to release the loneliness, the despair, the anguish. I let go of resentment. I let go of anger.

 

I found inner peace.

 

I had risen from the ashes and became reborn.

 

For me, the final journey towards accepting and grieving my divorce has been the desire to get a tattoo. I started that rite of passage this past weekend.

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I received an email last week about a new book written by Robert Weiss. Robert Weiss is a “digital-age intimacy and relationships expert specializing in infidelity and addictions – most notably sex, porn, and love addiction.” 

 

I had the privilege of  seeing him in person a few years ago at a talk in my home town. He’s a recovering sex addict himself, a therapist who is CSAT trained (specific training for sex addiction), and also hosts an online sex, love and porn addict webinar every Friday night at In The Rooms.

 

Robert Weis has written a number of books about sex addiction:

 

A large part of my recovering journey has been to understand how my addiction affected my wife. It’s learning how my actions damaged her that allows me the empathy and compassion to understand her decisions and to be supportive when she’s triggered. I continue to look for new information about partners of sex addicts, not only to help me understand her, but to also continue to remind me that there are two sides to every coin. I wasn’t the only one in pain in our marriage.

 

Our recovery community has clearly changed viewpoints when it comes to treating the partner and Robert Weiss’s new book is the perspective my wife needed so many years ago.

 

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