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Surrender to Help

I’m out of the country on a business trip and when I land back in the United States my favorite baboon has left me another piece of wisdom. Sometimes he’ll send me a blog, or a newspaper article, or just a quote.

 

This time, it was a TED Talk.

 

Did you know that TED stands for Technology, Entertainment, and Design? Me either.

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A Gift Resides in Every Moment

I’ve noticed that it’s been hard to stay in the present these past couple of days. I’ve been thinking about my past talk with Rafiki. I’ve been rereading my blogs (including the many that I’ve yet to post).

 

My mind keeps going back to the fear about my former spouse’s response when she reads some of my past stories.

 

I struggle with the thought that my writing was wrong, that it was a mistake.

 

Ok, not the actual writing. That has been healing for me.

 

I’m struggling that it was a mistake to publish it for the world to see. That I aired my dirty laundry at the expense of my former spouse; without her consent.

 

I want to call Rafiki, but I’m a bit humbled by our last conversation. I don’t really want to go there today. I need to process some of this on my own.

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Secrets Vs. Boundaries

This was a week of stepping out of comfort zones. I submitted my first blog entry a few days ago to an online recovery blog community and I had it accepted. With that acceptance, I struggled with the thought of telling my former spouse about what I’ve been doing this past year.

 

Yesterday, I felt the pull to show my former spouse this website. I had brought it up with my therapist over a month ago. His question had been, “Are you keeping a secret or holding a boundary? If you do talk about her in your writing, I believe she has a right to know. That’s something you need to figure out.”

 

I argued with myself that if I use a pseudonym, something to keep things anonymous, she doesn’t need to know. But is anything truly anonymous on the web these days?

 

Do I tell her or not?

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